My Story ♥
I’ve never been bullied for my appearance. I’ve never been abused by a relative or anyone, well, not really. I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, though I have been through a very short phase of disordered eating.
I’ve never been happy with my physical appearance. Yes, despite all these things that haven’t happened to me, I still dislike my body.
I should clear up what I mean by that. I love my body. Since May-June last year, I have treated my body like a temple, except occasionally on Saturdays. And I have lost about 5 kgs of fat, and am building up muscle. Yet, since about November, my weight has refused to budge, it will NOT go below 62kgs, and it’s really discouraging. I’ve spent countless hours at the gym, sweating it out, and I’ve spent hours trying to eat properly and not to mention the amount of money I’ve spent on food.
Anyway, this is about me, and my story. It really all started around Year 8 of high school, I started to realise that I was overweight, or maybe that was just my perception. I remember telling one of my ‘friends’ that I was going to eat as little as possible (starve) myself. And I told her that I didn’t want my then-best friend knowing. She then told my best friend that she was starving herself, and I was right, she got really angry.
Anyway, so it didn’t last long at all. I felt so dizzy and faint all the time. So then, I just gave up.
Now, my then-best friend is quite large for her frame, and she didn’t, and still doesn’t relly care about what goes into her mouth. So when I gave up with the starving, when we would go out we would just eat whatever. When we’d go to the movies, we’d get popcorn, lollies, chocolates, chips, frozen cokes, the LOT. (Thinking about it now, makes me feel sick).
At my Year 10 formal I felt awful, my posture was shocking, my arms were huge, and my boobs just sagged there. It was a nice night, but I just felt awful.
Then my weight kind of just blossomed. I would anything and everything. When I was hungry, I ate, when I was watching tv, I ate, when I was bored, I ate, when I was upset, I ate, when I did something well, I was taken out for dinner. I was an emotional eater.
Fast forward two years and at my year 12 formal, I felt absolutely awful, I felt fat, in my tight dress, I really hated my hair, and I was wearing no bra (I was and still am a 10G [32G]). So I was really self conscious. I still wish to this day that I had chosen the other dress I loved despite the price.
Straight after school, I started working. I was working as a Sales Assistant in a discount brand store. And because I was constantly on my feet, I dropped to 59kg (129.8lb). I was so happy, I had to hold my pants up with a belt on the tightest one.
At the same time, I had become involved with a local theatre company. It was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. I loved the theatre, and I made some lovely friends, one of whom is still my friends today. And it was one of the worst because I became absolutely smitten with a guy in the show. He was charming, handsome, sweet, and he shared a love of theatre and acting. What more could a girl ask for… well I certainly didn’t ask for a 33 year old guy. The moment I found out, I was in a state of shock and ecstasy. He was always ever so nice and lovely to me, that I fell right in his trap, I thought we could be a couple. I was 18, and he was 33. I mean, if celebrities and other normal people could be together with such an age gap, why couldn’t I? Right? Wrong. I found out some weeks later, that he was doing the exact same thing he was doing to me, to my friend who was also helping out with the show. And one day after rehearsals, her and I stayed behind and he tried to put the moves on both of us, at the same time. He kept saying he wanted to ‘spend a little time’ with us. And we went along for a little bit, but then it stopped. We both left, and believe me it was a struggle. He tried caling us constantly apologising, and saying he was sorry and saying that he liked us too much.
And you wanna know one of the worst parts. HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND. A partner, that he’d had for over a year. I mean, how sick is that! You know I reckon if I ever saw him, I kiss him one last time and then slap him so hard, his teeth marks would be indented into his mouth for months.
Then after all that the weight just piled back on. I started working as a receptionist, so that meant sitting on my butt four days a week, doing fuck all exercise.
And finally when my weight hit 70kg, that’s when I decided to do something about it. I was so depressed about my weight. I would google pro ana forums for tips and stuff. But I decided to join a gym and clean up my eating.
The going to the gym part was easy, I pretty worked across the road from it. But the food part, that was struggle. I got a personal trainer, for a few months.
At this very moment, I am sitting at 62kg (according to my scales at home, and 64kg, according to the scales at the gym). I am proud of what I’ve come through. And I want to thank every single person on Tumblr with a weighhtloss blog (fitblr, thinspiration blog). You guys have helped inspire me, given me ideas, recipes, workouts to do, try out. And find something that works for me. So from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU TUMBLR! I LOVE YOU! ♥♥♥♥♥
